“It takes only one drink to get me drunk . . .

The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”



And apparently I can't remember that my closet is not a bathroom, seeing as how I mysteriously puked in it at some point in time Friday night. I have to admit, though, that it was pretty fucking funny. Such is life. So as you can tell, my Friday night must have been pretty good, right? Yeah, it was.

Me: "I sure hope those boys come back and pick me up . . ." (as I stumble out the front door of Katie and Sarah's house sometime, I'm guessing, around 2:30)

Sarah: "They're long gone Maggie . . ."

Me: "Oh. Okay. HEY, WATCH ME!" (as I walk down the street)

Sarah: "Okay"

Me: "No I'm serious! WATCH ME!" (apparently I was scared of abduction . . .)

Sarah: "Okay Maggie . . ."

Me: "Okay. Are you watching??"

Sarah: "YES. Bye"

Me: "Okay. BYE!"

I don't remember walking home. That in itself is a little scary, however, I obviously made the journey alright. So we can all rest easy. I also didn't lose anything. That's a first.

Anyway, Friday was great, finally able to cut loose after being so serious lately. So much work to do. So many places to be. Always so damn busy. I was waiting for Katie and Erin's party for weeks. I planned on getting shitfaced, and man did I ever. But did I have a good time? You'd better fucking believe it. And some freshman girl told me I have nice hair. Who knew they could be so nice?


So for as long as I haven't updated, nothing substantial at all has happened. How sad is that? I life a pretty uneventful life, although hardly ever have any significant freetime. Man . . . whatever happened to the days of getting drunk three times a week and procrastinating all my work and sitting around all day? I guess that's what I get for making it to Junior year . . . and that itself is almost over. AH! And you know what that means?? A year til I'm done with this, and can move on to bigger and better things, one step closer to success (I am DETERMINED to be successful . . . have I told you that? Well I am. It will happen. Just you wait), one step closer to being in the real world, to living the city life, to being a free-from-college adult. Oh yeah.. and less than 5 months til my birthday! YEEHAW! (Gotta enjoy the drunken stupors while I can . . . like I said, less than a year! :-D )


I really want to go to a concert. It's been way too long. I need to get out some agression. Bring on the moshers!

And Yahoo Launch Music is really doing it for me tonight. Hells yeah.


Well now I feel better. I made an update. I feel like a disappointment when I let this thing go for too long, so I try my best not to let that happen. But like I said . . . I'm a busy girl.


"Etiquette tip: More people will get out of your way if you say 'I'm gonna puke!' than if you say 'Excuse me.' "

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your Friend for life....

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing